Disclaimer: This is sappy and honest and might be boring for you. But I felt like writing it out. So here it be.
I sit in my favorite cafe as I almost always do when I write. Drinking my favorite coffee. I promise I’m not boring. I don’t actually do this often. Just when I have the chance, I choose to come here for some comfort.
But, I digress.
I realized, that last time I sat at this very table I was in a very different spot. Literally and figuratively. I was literally on the other side of the table. I was sitting with my friend Tara and although I was with a beautiful person whom I had just dumped the contents of my soul on to, I felt very alone. Ostracized from those around me and even myself. I had so much. So many worries and responsibilities. And just as I thought that I could not take any more than I already had filling every pore, I opened my email to find that I needed to complete an on-camera interview for the CNBC co-op I desperately wanted. My bowels about fell out. Literally and figuratively. That day I had felt like I had lost all control in my life and then I was faced with a daunting task such as this.
But I had to do it. And I realized that out of all the things in my life I didn’t have control over (my health, my family, the people around me), the one thing I did have control over was my success. I had control over whether or not I got that position.
So I did that interview. I stared that camera in the face and I oozed my passion for journalism everywhere. Because when everything else is stripped from us, all we have is ourselves. And journalism is me. It’s who I am, and I told the camera that.
The next morning I woke up to an email telling me to come to New York for an interview.
Now. I sit on the other side of the table. The one person they accepted for the position. Drinking the same coffee in the same cafe I did the day I thought I lost all hope and thought no one would appreciate me in any facet in my life.
This time my coffee is intoxicating. I’m literally and figuratively more alone than I was that day and yet I’m happier because I know I was able to channel my passion and myself into something, and see it go somewhere extraordinary. That’s more validation than I need from any other person.
So I’ll sit here. Teary-eyed and stupid-smiling. Drinking my victory café au lait.